This shitt.

 Hello everyone;;sorry of no new posts in over a month. Have tons to say, so lets get started. Well guess who pasted all their classes:0 THIS GIRL!!! I was pretty excited because now i get to dance at homecoming;) I barely passed AP World History so i think im just gonna 'dumb' down into regular class. Whos going or already went to homecoming? i dont think im going to go because my school consist of 3,000+ and only 300 can go. But cant help my school is weird;

  Now lets gett into this;; last thursday was probably the worst of this month away from my blogg;; so about a year ago i found a lump on my breast(which i didnt think much of it and didnt tell anyone which was me being idiotic) and so a few months ago i went to the ordinary doctor and she said i doesnt feel normal so she referred me to the children's hospital.(which scared the living shit out of me;you know cause you dont go to hospitals unless its serious) So last week i went to the children's hospital and waited for a little and was called. I go into the room and get my weight height and those kinda things done like an average doctors office. Which was okay for me because i found i grew half an inch;;so i am now 4'11" :o *run.run.jump.heel click* Then the real business started when the doctor came in, asked me a few things, then did the exam.. Which was kinda weird for the fact a dude doctor was just standing there;;anyway i sat up and she started telling me that it doesnt feel normal and that it is deff. a tumor. I wanted to run away;;she said she thinks it may be benine only because im young;;but young people have cancer(few she says but still some) and i dont know if its just me or maybe its for the fact she just told me i had a tumor but i started to not think about the fact im young and im pretty healthy but im the kind of person we call 'thinkers'. Which if you dont know thinkers;; of coarse think;;about what can happen,worry(we will self-diagnose ourselfs) so now i have to have surgery to get it removed and i guess then she will see if its cancerous or not.

   Now to crushes;;which has lasted forever;; so i like this one guy but then when into english sat down and saw him i was like totally into him;;which i normally dont do that because its just stupid.but i saw hiim and i didnt think much of it till he was everywhere i looked;;i dont know if he i looking at the floor next to me or at me because he does that kinda creep stare;;where you loook right over your shoulder but kinda like you dont wanna stare so you kinda pier over then quickly look back if they saw you.Lets be honest we all have done it once.Then he is like friends with all my friends;;so i get out of practice and i go to my friends who didnt have practice because they are jv;;and guess who they are talking to;;which he was talking alot and then i get right up to them and start talking and he didnt say a word;;which kinda totally shot my confidence in talking(over here thinking i smelt,something in my teeth) and ever sense then he just stares at me constantly;;which im not sure what message he is giving;;so kinda bumming:(( so im kinda just not liking anyone anymore;;i think also because im like a different person when i like someone but i dont really talk to them and then i talk to them(its like silence...)

  Dont get me started with my grades;;i am just going to get out of pre ap and ap classes so im not always stressed;;thats enough of that.

  oh i almost forgot about (biological father);; yes it has now come to me calling him biological father;;or call him from first name basis. Well that whole thing didnt work;;for those who will have kids dont just leave them for 15 years and then try to gain back a father daughter relationship because its not gonna work;;i mean im glad that he is trying to get into my life but what about the other 15 years i mean im not this small child anymore i get myself dressed i use bigger(not always great) words. i guess it kinda made me mad even more;;because i went and texted him and was like hey and i told him about my fundraising for hawaii (my dance team wass asked to go to nations in hawaii which is great but its hella expensive) and he hasnt bought anything for me yet and he doesnt pay child support;;so asking to buy one of my tickets which come with 5 and alot of coupons for $10 i thought thats the least i could ask for;;he texts back hey kiddo....what the hell is that? after i send him a text that was as long as my phone which i have a samsung galaxy s3;pretty big screen. i was inrage because he was supposted to help my do a sweet 16 and that was a total bust;;i mean thats fine if you promise something but if you promise something you take it seriously..i mean i should have known that he was going to do this i knew he was;;he did it my whole life which made me not like him that much;;and once you do that to your own and only kid you dont change you may change your job or appearance but you cant change whats on the inside. and then he has the guts to tell me i am just like him..are you fucking kidding me;i am nothing like him;;i may look like him but i look like my mom too;;i am nothing like him;i may have a temper but i know how to control it and just sit there to not get in trouble; i would never, ever abandon my child and miss there birthdays or steal childhood things and then go into there life when its convenient to myself because they moved to the state i lived in. like that makes no sense;;i am not a dog or a toy;;im a human being;;which i havent even told him about the whole tumor and surgery because then hes gonna just keep texting m and then try to be there when i have surgery;;which i may throw a (whatever is in a hospital recovery room) i know im being kinda harsh but im not joking he really makes me mad;;thats why i chose not to talk to him;;now he should get a glimpse of what i felt my entire childhood life.

  Well until next week;;

Issues of Family--Part 1

okay so when i was like 4 my parents got a divorce and not long after i met my stepdad;;ofcoarse i never knew it was my future i was looking at;; and with my new dad came my best friend and now my sister, Krystiana. You know when your little and you always wish that you and your bestfriend were sisters;well that's what happened to us. of coarse i never would place step infront of anyones name;;as far as i was concerned they were the real deal.As time went on I got a now 8 year old sister and a 2 year old sister.House full of girls and they all wanted to be just like their big sister.(talk about pressure not to screw up). Well just last year my parents got a divorce and my whole world turned upside down;; i mean its not like i wasn't used to the word divorce but that little voice that tells you whats right was like an ambulance siren and i wouldnt go away;; my sisters never went threw a divorce they didnt know how it felt like to feel like your the fault of it all. I mean its not like my real dad ever cared that i was sick or moving all the time or even my birthday...the differences between my dad and this complete stranger whos name was on my birth certificate was i knew my dad would never do this he wouldnt just throw his kids down the drain like a piece of trash. i mean one can not just place the fault on just one parent i mean they both have issues that they didnt work out;;but i guess its easier for anyone to blame one parent. My feeling was mutual because as far as i was concerned they were both dicks in my book;;i just could not face the fact that my new family was now going to be like the last. i was also mad at the fact that it wasnt just me anymore it was two other kids that knew nothing of any matter like this and lets let the facts out my parents were the biggest idiots to fight in front of us;; luckily i was there to drag them somewhere else and get there minds off things. it didnt help to because my dad was being deployed off to Afghanistan and we were moving to the lamest place i knew;;Texas.I dont have an issue about it but i was no longer going to be near the ocean which has been my home ever since i could remember; and the biggest dick of them all my real dad was there.i knew that once i crossed the border of home to distant land he was going to try to get back in my life;;and why should he even try;;i was 14 about to turn 15 and he was never there for me.just because we have the same last name doesn't mean im just gonna run to him and be like "daddy" good thing he never held his breath on it. i know that some of you may think,"gosh what the hell is your problem he is your dad" but you have to put yourself in my shoes::i waited for one call one sign that he still loved me and he was atleast trying to show his only daughter that he cared for her. I used to think that my own dad didnt care about anything about me as far as he was concerned i was just another kid in this world. When the time was finally there to practically meet him;;i sat in awe at how completely different i was from both of my parents and how different they were to each other. He acted as if i was lost for many years;;and used terms like "hey daughter" "hello daughter" and i just sit there think,why the hell do you keep calling me daughter as if i have not had my name yet;;or i was a small puppy you get when your little.I guess it would be okay but he always is suffocating me with hugs when he says it. And then he uses the whole "if you lived with me i would let you do this or get this" which is a stupid thing to say because that will never happen and i dont live with you.Which he has been texting me alot lately and ive kinda been ignoring him;;i guess im kinda resenting him because i was supposed to get adopted by my dad to have a better life with insurance and everything and because of my real dads selfish wants of not getting rid of his "rights" even though he had none in the first place;;And once i mention that i was considering getting emancipated;;he jumped on it saying i could come and live with him and telling some of our family that i was going to get emancipated and go live with him(even though i knew i never said that) if i even consider it, i would go live with my dad,practically on my own....which makes me kinda mad that he was telling people that i said i was going to kinda pissed me off;;;i mean im not trying to be a bitchy daughter or anything but its really hard to act something that your not. But i will stop my rampaging for the night and talk to you all tomorrow.

ishhh....

 As i lay on the floor of my living room floor;;trying to figure out how to do history homework;;my brain has clicked into this format that i will finally make the blog i have been waiting to do for a while but never having time."I will make this Blog and I will like it" my brain telling me;so i threw the homework at the stack of books in the corner,whipped out my laptop and created this blog while listening to all the tunes on Pandora.

      I have not really thought about the theme of the blog(indicating the wonder blog title)but it is okay to have a unknown blog in my bookk and that it will stay.

    I'm not much into the whole stay on the computer all day for i have a life;;but as anyone else my life is pretty hectic and i need to step away from it for awhile just so i can breath.As anyone from a military family i never really had best friends,so i now turn to my laptop and loads of strangers to dish out my 'whatevers'.For me this will be alittle escape from family,school,and afterschool activities;;for the few of you who decide to read tomorrows first ever 'real' blog it will be a great,swell laugh.And at that i will post this and try to figure out how to do everything else:)