Now lets gett into this;; last thursday was probably the worst of this month away from my blogg;; so about a year ago i found a lump on my breast(which i didnt think much of it and didnt tell anyone which was me being idiotic) and so a few months ago i went to the ordinary doctor and she said i doesnt feel normal so she referred me to the children's hospital.(which scared the living shit out of me;you know cause you dont go to hospitals unless its serious) So last week i went to the children's hospital and waited for a little and was called. I go into the room and get my weight height and those kinda things done like an average doctors office. Which was okay for me because i found i grew half an inch;;so i am now 4'11" :o *run.run.jump.heel click* Then the real business started when the doctor came in, asked me a few things, then did the exam.. Which was kinda weird for the fact a dude doctor was just standing there;;anyway i sat up and she started telling me that it doesnt feel normal and that it is deff. a tumor. I wanted to run away;;she said she thinks it may be benine only because im young;;but young people have cancer(few she says but still some) and i dont know if its just me or maybe its for the fact she just told me i had a tumor but i started to not think about the fact im young and im pretty healthy but im the kind of person we call 'thinkers'. Which if you dont know thinkers;; of coarse think;;about what can happen,worry(we will self-diagnose ourselfs) so now i have to have surgery to get it removed and i guess then she will see if its cancerous or not.
Now to crushes;;which has lasted forever;; so i like this one guy but then when into english sat down and saw him i was like totally into him;;which i normally dont do that because its just stupid.but i saw hiim and i didnt think much of it till he was everywhere i looked;;i dont know if he i looking at the floor next to me or at me because he does that kinda creep stare;;where you loook right over your shoulder but kinda like you dont wanna stare so you kinda pier over then quickly look back if they saw you.Lets be honest we all have done it once.Then he is like friends with all my friends;;so i get out of practice and i go to my friends who didnt have practice because they are jv;;and guess who they are talking to;;which he was talking alot and then i get right up to them and start talking and he didnt say a word;;which kinda totally shot my confidence in talking(over here thinking i smelt,something in my teeth) and ever sense then he just stares at me constantly;;which im not sure what message he is giving;;so kinda bumming:(( so im kinda just not liking anyone anymore;;i think also because im like a different person when i like someone but i dont really talk to them and then i talk to them(its like silence...)
Dont get me started with my grades;;i am just going to get out of pre ap and ap classes so im not always stressed;;thats enough of that.
oh i almost forgot about (biological father);; yes it has now come to me calling him biological father;;or call him from first name basis. Well that whole thing didnt work;;for those who will have kids dont just leave them for 15 years and then try to gain back a father daughter relationship because its not gonna work;;i mean im glad that he is trying to get into my life but what about the other 15 years i mean im not this small child anymore i get myself dressed i use bigger(not always great) words. i guess it kinda made me mad even more;;because i went and texted him and was like hey and i told him about my fundraising for hawaii (my dance team wass asked to go to nations in hawaii which is great but its hella expensive) and he hasnt bought anything for me yet and he doesnt pay child support;;so asking to buy one of my tickets which come with 5 and alot of coupons for $10 i thought thats the least i could ask for;;he texts back hey kiddo....what the hell is that? after i send him a text that was as long as my phone which i have a samsung galaxy s3;pretty big screen. i was inrage because he was supposted to help my do a sweet 16 and that was a total bust;;i mean thats fine if you promise something but if you promise something you take it seriously..i mean i should have known that he was going to do this i knew he was;;he did it my whole life which made me not like him that much;;and once you do that to your own and only kid you dont change you may change your job or appearance but you cant change whats on the inside. and then he has the guts to tell me i am just like him..are you fucking kidding me;i am nothing like him;;i may look like him but i look like my mom too;;i am nothing like him;i may have a temper but i know how to control it and just sit there to not get in trouble; i would never, ever abandon my child and miss there birthdays or steal childhood things and then go into there life when its convenient to myself because they moved to the state i lived in. like that makes no sense;;i am not a dog or a toy;;im a human being;;which i havent even told him about the whole tumor and surgery because then hes gonna just keep texting m and then try to be there when i have surgery;;which i may throw a (whatever is in a hospital recovery room) i know im being kinda harsh but im not joking he really makes me mad;;thats why i chose not to talk to him;;now he should get a glimpse of what i felt my entire childhood life.
Well until next week;;
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